We all want each day to be blessed. But what does this really mean? Does it mean that you only want to experience ‘good’ things? What is a ‘good’ experience and how do we know each day was good enough? Something happened to me this week that by most accounts would seem to be very bad. Certainly not a blessing at all. But through this week’s reading, I am strengthened and can see a path to healing that I would not have seen otherwise. Am I grieving…very much so…but I KNOW that in writing about it I will be fully restored and I also know that in reading this you might be as well.
My week has been challenging to say the least. I struggle with the words for this week’s post to be honest. But I have always promised to be REAL in my posts and this one is no different. You see this week I am experiencing a miscarriage. There I said it. It is now public. Something you really prefer not to talk about…But yeah – it happened to me too. So I will raise my hand and be real about it.
A few weeks ago when I learned I was pregnant I was beyond excited. This was something we had planned. After 7 years, we finally felt ready enough to make room in our lives for more than one child. This was a big revelation for me and for my husband. I mean we were too busy, too overwhelmed, and frankly too scared to do this before. And now we were ready. So it was for the Israelites last week at Sinai in Yitro (Exodus 18:1-20:23). They had experienced this major revelation of G-d and were also united this week in Mishpatim (Exodus 21:1 – 24:18) with one voice to take on the challenge of following the divine laws of how they should best relate to one another (not just to G-d but to each other). But are these laws good enough for us today NOW in this time? My Rabbi said today that G-d is in the carpool lane and that He is most certainly in the details. So it is in these details that we find the truth: that our rationalization of what is ‘good’ may not be good enough. So back to my earlier question from the beginning of this post: what is really a blessing or not? Was my miscarriage this week good? Was it a blessing? Hmmm….not quite ‘good enough’ by my own personal judgement but do I really get to decide? I looked up ‘not good enough’ and found the essential oil of Humility to help me out. The other side of ‘not good enough’ is ACCEPTANCE and as I put it on my chest I said: “I express my best”. So even in the darkest moments, G-d is still present and I can only do my best and accept what comes my way with humility and move on toward a goal of becoming a better and more learned Jew.
As for being ready to take on another child in our family I learned another key lesson this week. I can think I am ready. I can believe it all I want. But clearly there is something more for me to learn. I can desire more but is that my own greed talking? I mean 2015 was a fabulous year for us – filled with monetary blessings in our business. Is it really time to ask for MORE? It is pretty much not up to us. It is only with G-d’s blessing that we get more (or less). Again looking at the emotion of GREED I see the other side of that emotion is GIVING. While applying White Angelica to my heart I said: “I am enough” and I felt a weight was lifted. You might be thinking how can wanting another child be greedy? I can see your point but, for this week, this thought process is helpful in allowing me to let go of my control over the situation. We can only control how we respond to a given situation. And as for my expectations? Clearly I had a plan. But G-d has a different plan in mind for our family. I turn to the essential oil blend SARA to manage my expectations. The other side of unmet expectations is APPRECIATING what we have. While applying SARA to my lower abdomen I pray for the strength to be “complete within myself”.
I need to be at peace with what I have right now and see that my daughter is turning 7 years old in a few days. She is the most amazing human being I know right now. She glows and is blossoming into a beautiful young lady. Because of other unforeseen disappointments this week, she was home with me during our loss. She doesn’t know what was going on as she did not know I was pregnant but she was there to comfort me in her own way. I turn to her and think – she is enough. How can I best give more of myself to her?
So there you have it – this is my reality this week. Pure and simple. I appreciate all of your prayers and messages and if I didn’t respond it isn’t because I don’t value your friendship or your love, I just needed time and space to process what was happening. But it isn’t in my nature to suffer in silence and while I fear what may come of sharing something so private so publicly with you, I pray it has helped someone in the process and I ask and implore each of you to not expect anything from me coming out of this. I really do not know what our future plans are nor do I have any control over that.
Wrap up: Oils to add to your prayers
All oil references to emotions are from this book. I use this book in a variety of ways and explain how in this video.
- Humility for Not Good Enough. The other side of not good enough is Acceptance. Say “I express my best” while applying a drop of Humility across the chest.
- White Angelica for Greed. The other side is Giving. Say “I am enough” while applying White Angelica to the heart center.
- SARA for Expectations. The other side is Appreciating. Say “I am complete within myself” while applying SARA to the lower abdomen.
I am so sorry for yours and your families’ loss. I hope you’re all able to find the strength and peace needed to continue on. Take all the time you need, your oily family will understand if you need more time… <3 you all!
You’re so strong! I always knew that though. Prayers always for you Even and Ella. Everyday I pray for you guys. I somehow had a feeling it was a loss because the Father kept having me pray for comfort, peace and joy for you. I’ve never experienced this type of loss but, I know what you shafted will help many.
Oops I meant shared, not shafted.
So sorry for your loss
Thank you for being relatable and honest. That is often hard to do, especially while trying to process such raw emotions
So sorry for your loss. God has something better planned so be patient and love him. He has blessed you with a beautiful daughter to love and enjoy.
Thank you for your information. My husband passed on the 27th. I needed some oil suggestions for my feelings.
Thank you so much!
Lindsey….I am so sorry for your loss and the ache in your heart. God IS good and may you feel the warmth and tenderness of His loving embrace. You are such an amazing role-model for so many of us YL peeps (even those of us not on your team). Your honest transparent heart touches me deeply. Blessings to you!
Debra
Dear Lindsey,
I am very sorry to hear you’re having a miscarriage. I will pray healing for your body & soul. I had 3 miscarriages in between my 2 kids. I was not very far along in any of the pregnancies either. After the 3rd one I also looked at my healthy amazing child and thought I am blessed to have him. 2-3 months after the last one, I was pregnant with my daughter. No trying, no planning…it stuck! I asked my brilliant Dr why this one stayed & he said if I knew that, I would be God! My prayers are with you and am blessed by your many teachings. I met and took a picture with you at convention. I’m in Christa Smiths downline. I’m glad you shared this too because you don’t want to be alone in your grief. Many times, I’ve looked at my daughter & said thank you for all of my miscarriages because I wouldn’t have her. I pray you will be able to feel that way too someday soon.
Very special that you shared your story with us . I have missed you on Periscope! I will remember you in prayer… GOD ‘s plan is hard to understand sometimes… But I just bet, in a short while, you will have hindsight of how HE was working it all out.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am praying for you, Lindsey! I am so sorry! And thank you for sharing the burden with others as I believe it will bless many! You are amazing!
I’m sorry for your loss and send prayers for comfort and healing.
Question: I’m looking at a fairly recent Zyto scan and don’t see a list of negative emotions. I see just a recommendation of 4 YL products each followed by some narrative. Where do I find the negative feelings you spoke about?
Dear Lindsey-Thank you for sharing. My thoughts are with you as you grieve this loss. I think back to my own miscarriage and its aftermath-I had felt so out of control. I felt I was in a fog and once that started to dissipate, the healing began and much of my healing took me on a journey to discovering essential oils and your group and posts. Best and many blessings,
Sarah
Oh Linds, sending you lots of warmth and love
Lindsey! Thank you so much for sharing your heart and being REAL! I grieve for your loss and we will be praying for you and your family during this time. We came through loss in a different way. We had 3 trials of IVF with no success and at the end of it being told devastating news about my health. It took years to overcome that and not until learning and using our oils to release those emotions did I personally begin to truly be free and whole again! THANK YOU so much for sharing what you’re doing to help you overcome. Blessings!
I am so sorry for your loss. We are grieving through the first anniversary of our miscarriage. The grief is real and hard and raw and messy. Thank you for being vulnerable and open with where you are. Praying for you as you live and grieve and love through this time. If I lived near you, or knew you personally I might offer you a hug as well as this book that helped me. I appreciated using it as I worked through the ever evolving emotions. I pray it blesses you as well. “Grieving the Child I Never Knew: A devotional for comfort in the loss of your unborn or newly born child” by Kathe Wunnenberg
I also found the oil of forgiveness around my navel helpful and the oil of hope on the upper lobe of my right ear. I had an emotional release raindrop done with vibrational tuning shortly after…and had another one this week as we work through our year anniversary. Praying for you…
Blessings and love to you. I had a miscarriage many years and I started crying the minute I read that word. Praying for strength for you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Lindsey. I also had a miscarriage many years ago, prior to having children. I know how difficult it is. My prayers are with you and your family.
Thinking of you and your family in this loss and praying the blessings of peace and comfort to carry you through. So sad to hear about your little angel.
Ever more blessings to you and your family. You are a gracious lady who deserves to have all you want in this world. So sorry for your loss.
Praying for you and your family. Trusting that all things work out for the best is helping you heal. Many blessings.
So sorry for your loss! As a woman that experienced 3 miscarriages, I can testify that it was the hardest thing I have endured. Thankfully, my faith saw me through as you have expressed here. Praise to G-d for His gift of oils! I wish I had had them then. You are in my prayers as you heal physically and emotionally!
Lindsey,
I’m sorry for your loss, but I’m glad that you are able to accept it and trust God. I believe that your unborn child is with God and will always be pure and innocent.
I was surprised that I began to cry when I read this, because I don’t cry easily. Although it has been a long time – over 20 years, I could relate because I had several miscarriages between my third and fourth children. One was at 5 months. It is a kind of loss that doesn’t seem very real or terribly significant to most people beyond yourself, because they never knew or even saw the child. As the mother, you are already connected physically, spiritually, and emotionally without having to see the child.
I am blessed to have the family I have, and I totally loved raising my kids, but I also knew that overwhelmed feeling you mentioned for much of the time – like you, we were swimming upstream in a way (small business, homeschooling, etc) – but I think many parents have that same feeling, regardless of their life patterns.
Sometimes when all of our family is gathered together, I still feel that someone is missing. More than one someone. But I also believe that God knows what He is doing and that we can trust Him.
All the best to you,
Linda
I am so sorry to hear of your family’s loss this week. I and sad to say I experienced miscarriage twice and was finally blessed with a most wonderful son to add to my family. My advice is to trust in God and look for the best in your life and accept whatever he may have in store for you because it will be wonderful beyond your expectations.
I am the type to suffer in silence, and when I did decide to reach out after my miscarriage, unfortunately, I chose the wrong people to reach out to. So, my healing was a much longer process than it should have been, and I even lost one of my best friends in the process, which compounded my grief because it was her choice to end our friendship, not mine. You are so smart and brave to put yourself out there like this to find peace with it sooner rather than later. You are in my prayers.
Many years ago, when one of my friends had a miscarriage, some wise lady told her to think of the unborn baby going straight to be with God as one of His angels. Think of the angel as your special guardian angel. It is beautiful to know our God has a special plan for each of us. He knows what we can handle. A babe in the arms of Jesus is a reassuring thought to me. May the peace of Christ which passes all of our understanding be with you and yours through the difficult days ahead.