Is it better to give or to receive?

This is certainly the season where we talk about giving and how much better it is than receiving…but what does this really mean in practice? Is it just about giving gifts? In this week’s study of the Old Testament in the Bible – or Torah parashah in my series Seeking Truth and Wholeness, we get a deeper look at this concept. If you are following along, this Torah portion of the week is called Vayigash:
TORAH READING:
Vayigash: Genesis 44:18 – 47:27

To set the stage, the story this week is about Joseph again but this week he reveals himself to his brothers and brings them to Egypt. But this story is so much more and gives us a true blueprint on how to live a life that is filled with blessings. The secret lies in two major but somewhat hidden symbols or themes. You can read the text and you just might miss them but they are there. This is a very emotional reading…probably one of these most emotional readings in the Torah itself.

First let’s talk about how Judah addresses Joseph on their brother Benjamin’s behalf. Judah draws Joseph near to him. This is a major symbolic concept in Judaism – drawing near. What this really means is to SACRIFICE. Judah removes the space between himself and Joseph by sacrificing of himself for what is right, his brother Benjamin’s innocence. He literally speaks Hebrew to Joseph and cites Jewish truths and customs to him even though Joseph appears to be unable to speak Hebrew and has an ‘interpreter’ there. Judah bridges the gap by speaking from his heart. He removes all barriers and Joseph is overcome with emotion and reveals himself to his brothers.

The further apart we are spiritually from someone else, the greater the space or gap. We have to draw near to find the blessing. Most often we create space between us and people we don’t truly know at their core. We let feelings (usually negative perceptions) cloud the relationship. We physically cannot bridge the gap because we are not connected and all we can see is darkness. But why? Because we expect something that we are not getting from that person. We have ‘expectations’ of them. We are desiring more from them to fill our cup. Anywhere we have chaos in our lives or broken relationships it is because we are seeking to receive instead of give or sacrifice of ourselves. We then experience the opposite of the blessings we have right in front of us and we end up with a broken relationship. I will illustrate this with a story I heard that made so much sense to me!

Lightbulb Moment – The Bowl of Infinite Blessings

A student asked his teacher – what will the world to come be like?

The teacher said first the student needed to see that the blessings were already present, it was simply  that we couldn’t see them. He then showed the student to a room. The room had a very large round table in it and in the center was a large bowl filled with infinite blessings. There were a number of people standing around the table and they could not reach the bowl and were distressed and angry about this. They wanted their blessings and they couldn’t reach the bowl in the center of the table. The bowl had some very long spoons in it and the people were even more frustrated because it was seemingly impossible to feel themselves a blessing with the long spoon!

The student asked again – what will we need to do to bring about the world to come of peace? The teacher again brought the student to a room. It turned out to be the same room! The student noticed a key difference, however. The bowl was still there but each person was now feeding their spoon to the person to their right side so that a ring around the bowl was created. Everyone was in a state of euphoria. They were literally feeding blessings to others in the room instead of seeking the blessings for themselves and in doing so, everyone in the room was blessed.

Close the Gap

Every time we draw nearer to G-d and sacrifice of ourselves to bless others around us, we create more blessings automatically! All the spaces we create by our own greed, desires, and needs between us and G-d and others gets filled up with blessings and light. The gaps disappear…but how? Through one major thing: ACCOUNTABILITY. When we seek to say: “I am accountable for the chaos in my own life” things start to change. When we instead look for ways to be a blessing to others and GIVE to them our heart, things change in a major way! Every day we have to choose to be accountable! When we connect our head to our heart and draw everyone near, we even turn our enemies into our friends. Our problems will turn into blessings. We truly escape the bondage of our inner ego because feelings often lie but results never do.

The ‘neck’

Another symbol comes up in this week’s reading: the neck. Two times in this reading, Joseph embraces Benjamin and embraces his father Jacob and weeps on his neck. Here the neck is a symbol for drawing the physical together with the spiritual: literally the place where our head meets our hearts. Did you know Palo Santo means in Spanish: Saintly Staff? This is a metaphor for our ‘necks’. When we apply Palo Santo essential oil to our necks we create this euphoria of total faith in others vs. ourselves – we obliterate our own desires and focus on others. We can say: “I connect my head to my heart” and see that we have infinite blessings at our disposal if we just give to others.

Is giving only a gift or charity to the poor?

Think of those closest to you first – how can you give more of yourself to your spouse? Your kids? All too often our head goes immediately to the poor and while it should this is a more immediate and practical lesson. What do we expect from our families? Are we expecting time to ourselves? Are we expecting certain events will go a certain way? What if we chose to honor and revere and encourage our spouse and our kids every day? To truly sacrifice for them and not expect anything in return for ourselves? What would happen? What would happen if we did the same with our friends and those near us? This message is about giving in all aspects of our lives, not just gifts and charity. This is the giving of our hearts – to draw nearer to everyone close to us and far from us. To truly know and bless everyone everyday with our words and deeds. To live light instead of seeing only darkness. This is the profound teaching of this week’s reading.

All too often we find it hard to encourage and give of our hearts to those closest to us. We worry if we encourage them we may dim our light somehow. Cedarwood can be used to help with this. We can apply in between our eyes and say: “I know who I am”. When we can put aside our ego and conceit and become a bit more meek we are able to focus on others. If we know who we are inside then we don’t have to scream it to the world around us. We can stop and listen to others and lift them up. We can then truly bless them with our words and deeds at a minute level with the smallest of actions all day long!

I have been focused the past few months on this practice and can tell you it opens up a whole new world of blessings. When you actually encourage your spouse daily and experience and emote gratitude and joy in being together for even the smallest things, it changes the game. It changes your life. It closes the gaps.

May you find your true light and sense of self so that you can truly bless others and emanate that light in the darkness.